the hardest part

Well, we got back from York last night... after delivering Caitlin and getting her all set in her dorm room and handling all the logistical and financial arrangements, we said our goodbyes in the parking lot of Thomas Hall, her home for the next 9 months...

The saying goodbye was really very hard. I thought I was prepared for it, but I was wrong.

Kelly and I feel very blessed that Caitlin will be surrounded by the York family... at every turn this weekend, we were reminded of how wonderful an opportunity this is, and with every new acquaintance there, our decision was positively reinforced. York truly seems to be a faith community where students are embraced and watched out for and loved and taken care of... we have no regrets at all.

But the inescapable symbolism of delivering our first child to college is palpable... it paints everything with a certain hue... and while we are indescribably excited for her as she enters this transitional chapter, we are selfishly sad for the chapters which are past. When we got home last night, we all went into her room and wept... it was just as she left it, with her pictures and awards and stuff still on the walls... (that changed quickly, however... Cara moved her stuff into the closet and made it her new room pretty fast!)

I guess it's sort of like reading a really well-spun novel... you are so invested in the characters and the plot and the story that you do not want it to end...

...so we must gain perspective and realize that this is not the end... this is but a chapter... we believe God has so much in store for Caitlin... but it is unknown to us (and her) just what lies ahead... and that is what exposes my lack of faith... the fact that I want to see beyond the curve in the road ahead... instead of enjoying the ride... (OK, now this has just become a weird metaphor-mixing rant...)

As I write this, I feel His Spirit giving me peace... I really do!

I am looking forward to each new day for Caitlin. And I am trying to remember who is at the controls... and that He is a much better driver than I am... and I am resolved to enjoy the ride...

Blessings!

A New School Year Begins

Well, today is that annual milestone-rite-of-passage day called the first day of school!

Every year at the Martin home, we get set to deliver the three angels to their respective school buildings as they embark on another year of learning... (our daughters' ages are spaced just right so that they have/will never attend the same building at the same time - arrggh!)

Before we leave the house, we always pose for the obligatory 'first-day-of-school' photo in front of the Nandina bushes by the front door... this morning it was raining! In all the years we have enjoyed/endured this ritual, I can never remember it raining... but it sorta matches our collective mood this morning, because there are only 2 angels in the photo today, as we delivered Caitlin to college in York, Nebraska yesterday...

Cara and Cassie are excited and nervous at the same time, as both gear up to attend a new (for them) building today. Cara is in High School (with 900 of her closest friends) and Cassie is at the Intermediate school (with the other 350 4th graders).

Caitlin is beginning her orientation at York College today. We all miss her very much, but we are so excited for her as she, too, begins a new chapter and attends a new 'building'!

Cara and Cassie seem pretty well-adjusted... both are well-liked by their peers... as I dropped off Cara this morning, all her 'peeps' were waving at her to 'come stand by them', as they waited to go into the auditorium for their orientation... I believe she and Cass will do just fine...

God has blessed our family so richly... and I know He will keep His hand on our girls all day, all year.

It is an exciting time of year!

God Bless!

a year of 'lasts'

A year ago, my wife and I sat on the back porch having our morning coffee, lamenting the fact that the upcoming year would be very exciting and difficult... Our oldest daughter, Caitlin, was entering her senior year of High School...

As we sipped our coffee, Kelly observed that once the school year started, it would be over in a flash, and we would be packing Caitlin up for college... and we jointly realized that what our friends had told us about their daughter's senior year was true: it is a year of 'lasts'...

And throughout this past year, we have noted numerous times: 'this is the last.......'

And as we filled in the last 'hole' in the middle of the picture frame in the hall (you know the one... it has 12 small holes - one for each school picture posed for from kindergarten to 11th grade - and a large hole in the center for the senior photo), it started to really settle in... that this would be a year of lasts.

Last August, it was the last 'first day of school'... Senior Year - woo hoo! Before we could blink, it was the last football game for the class of '07 (played in War Memorial Stadium in Little Rock for the state championship, I might add)...

Then it was a series of basketball-related 'lasts': last season-home-opener... then it was the last time to visit West Memphis' crackerbox gym, thank you! ... the last time to visit the beautiful town of Forrest City - yecch!!! ... the last "senior night"...honoring Cait and her fellow seniors (she played awesome, the Lady Bombers won... and Coach Leonard made sure Caitlin was the very last senior brought out of the game in the waning moments... to a standing ovation!) then it was the last home game - last time to 'slap the lady bomber' (no, its not some obscene reference, it is the tradition of slapping your hand against the lady bomber sign on the wall near the lockerroom on the way out to vanquish yet another foe on the court!) ...then, in a flash, it was her last game as a Lady Bomber... in the final four of the state tournament... and later in the spring, it was her last all-star game...

then a few weeks after that, it was her last prom... she looked beautiful and had a great time! (and stayed safe...)

then it was her last sports banquets... at the winter sports banquet she was awared all-conference and three-year letterman in Basketball... and at the spring banquet, she was given the three-year letterman patch in Discus, then presented with the most prestigiuos of sports awards: Miss Lady Bomber 2007!

then came the last 'last day of school'... then graduation... Hurray!!!!

This summer has been unique... somewhat unsettled, as we prepare to deliver Caitlin to college... a summer filled with more 'lasts'....

Last family vacation... last time on the lake... last day of work at the Steak House...

Last night, it was the last time to meet with the Riverside church...

Tonight, it will be the last night to sleep in the room she grew up in... it's getting very real now.

I know it is an exciting time... I understand it is a rite of passage and that millions of parents have lived through sending their kid off to college.... and I realize how proud I am of my daughter for who she has become.

And we are so grateful to God for the countless blessings He has showered on her throughout her last year in High School... we are speechlessly, awesomely thankful for His lovingkindness toward her and us.

....but as much as we prayed and talked and supported each other during this past year, it has not prepared me for tomorrow... when we will take her 9 hours away and leave her at college...

But, through all my selfishness, I am SO EXCITED for her!!! Because for every 'last' which we experienced during the past year, God has a thousand 'firsts' in store for her (and us) in the coming year...

and I cannot wait for her to begin this new chapter in her life!!!

Please pray that God will bless our family during this exciting new chapter... and that God will give me and Kelly (and Caitlin) strength during this transition... because this is hard... really hard.

attracting people to... what?

It has been said several times (many times by me) that our goal should be the one Jesus spoke about in John 12.... "But I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all men to myself."

I have observed that the best way to 'lift Him up' is to serve others... to show them Christ's love. When I ponder the concept, I am naturally drawn to the 'sheep and goats' parable at the end of Matthew 25... "whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."

(I do this so poorly most of the time that I certainly haven't observed it in myself... but I want to model those who do...) When I have tried to serve others (and watched my brothers and sisters do it), Christ is invariably lifted up!

Many churches seem to 'get it' when it comes to service... as a matter of fact, over the past decade or so there has evolved an accepted 'organized church model' for serving others. It has seeded an entire movement: mega-mall-church-buildings are dotting the landscape, offering everything from AA meetings to daycare to racquetball leagues!

This movement has changed our vernacular... literally, new words and phrases have been coined: "mall church", "seeker-sensitive-worship", "casual service", "mega-church" and "blue-jeans-worship", to name a few...

I truly believe this movement has pure motives... I want to think it seeks to 'attract' the masses by serving them... I fear, however, that we may be simply providing services to them. Still, I truly believe there are pure hearts behind this idea... that there are Godly people who are indeed serving others in an attempt to attract people....

I have two questions: "who are we attracting?" and "what are we attracting them to?"

If you sat outside some of these mega churches for a week, you may find yourself checking the sign out front to make sure you are at a church building rather than a country club... not only are these places obscenely palatial, the clientele (driving up in their $40,000 SUVs to drop off the kids to day camp or catch a game of men's league basketball) would seem to be very upscale indeed! (are we truly serving 'the least of these brothers of mine'?)

And, if we are not careful, we become a 'christian' version of our program-laden federal government... we build buildings and fund our programs and organize teams and develop budgets and.... that sort of model only breeds dependence upon the organization providing the service!

The problem, I think, is a fundamental misunderstanding of what the church is... It would seem (again) that we have mistaken the modern 'organized church' for Christ' model... And (again) we are teaching the next generation that the church is a building... or at best that it is an organization...

and that is so foreign to Jesus' model... I am not anti-organization... (and again, I believe there is a lot of good being done in the name of Jesus) in fact, I am quite anal when it comes to organizing... I know there is value in making a plan and organizing teams and budgeting...

I am just afraid we organize the spirit right out of our service to others! and we lose sight of John 12.... I believe our challenge to 'lift Him up' is a personal one...

Someone smarter than me has said "the Bible NEVER commands that the poor and needy seek out the church and get help.... the Bible commands that the CHURCH (God's people) seek out the poor and needy and help them"

So.... go find someone who needs help.... then help them. In the name of Christ. That's what John 12:32 is all about.

Blessings!

23 years with an angel

In some ways it seems like Kelly and I have been married 23 years... in some ways it seems like only yesterday that we said our vows... and in some ways it seems like it's been forever...(I mean that in a good way...) I know this: I can't remember a time when I was not madly in love with her.

She is an angel. The best wife and mom anyone could ever hope for... My daugthers are seeing lived before them the model of a Christian woman. She is a prayer warrior who loves her family with a ferocity not often seen in today's culture; if my three girls grow into even a shadow of what they have seen lived in front of them growing up, they will be prizes in their own right.

Last Friday night we celebrated the night when, 23 years ago, we promised to love and cherish each other forever no matter what.... and, over the past 23 years, there has been a lot of 'no matter whats', but she and I have kept our promise to God and each other. I'm sure it has not been easy at times (especially for her), but she is a committed and dedicated Christian woman whose faith is tenacious.

For my part, God has blessed me so much in so many ways during my lifetime. No blessing can measure up, however, to the one named Kelly.

I am forever grateful to God for that unbelievable stroke of blessing.

living like Jesus - who are your friends?

I am blessed with many friends... some very close, some more distant, some from my childhood and some who are new. I was thinking of my friends and that made me think of Jesus and His friends...

There was a time in my life when I was very concerned with 'who' my friends were... I wanted friends who had position and power and prestige. I wanted to be invited to the outings and parties of the folks who were in the 'in' crowd.

Jesus was never very concerned with being a part of that crowd... the 'in' crowd in His day were the religious leaders and powerful politicians, and He had less than stellar things to say to and about them... I doubt anyone would have accused Him of aspiring to 'rub elbows' with the rich and powerful.

Maybe we should take an example from Jesus. My observation is that His friends could be divided into two groups (not that He would have 'divided' them this way):

1. those whom He could help, and
2. those who could help Him help others

His followers and friends were made up of broken people who were helped by Him and were helping Him spread His love. As I begin to grasp that, it changes my view of who my friends are. Sometimes (not always) we call people our 'friends' because of what they are able to do for us... or what we are able to do for them... Jesus' friends were fishermen and tax collectors and prostitutes... not the cream of the crop societally...

As I have gotten older and done more 'living' (and gotten more bumps and bruises and made more mistakes), I have learned who my freinds really are... and I have long since stopped caring about titles and parties and the 'in' crowd... as a matter of fact, when I do have occasion to be in the presence of the self-appointed 'pretty and powerful people' of my community, I get a sick feeling in my stomach.

It's not that I feel superior to them... It's not like I want to be them... and I don't envy them. I just look at them and see, well.... a younger version of me. Many of these folks are good people; many are very benevolent and kind... many (not all) are God-fearing folks trying to raise their children right.

But so was I, 15 years ago. But I was so missing the point. I was trying to impress and gain and jockey... Oh, I was taking my family to church every Sunday and trying to provide a 'christian' environment for my kids to grow up in... some would say I was a 'church leader' ...but I was playing at it. I was doing my religion in between living my life and trying to get ahead...

But God intervened. He is molding me and shaping me (definitely still a work in progress) into a useful servant...

I am learning that everyone is broken... and some of us still fight that fact. Some still want to put up the facade that everything is GREAT, and that we've "got it all together"... But until we realize and admit that we are broken and unworthy sinners, God cannot use us.

So if I want to be useful to Him and His cause, I will daily admit my brokenness and let Him work His miracles in me... and that is somehow very liberating!

The notion that God can use me, a very broken man, is at once humbling and unbelievably exciting!

God Bless!

why do I fight His leading?

I have often observed that it is much easier seeing the Spirit's guidance looking backward than it is to see His Hand while you're being 'guided'...

For example, it's hard to see how an illness or job change or the death of someone close to you could be constrewed as Heavenly guidance, especially when you're knee deep in it... we usually think those things 'just happen' or are caused by the devil or are 'spirit neutral'... but when we have time to look back at such events, we are usually able to see how God worked in our lives to challenge us and mold us into more of what He wants us to be...

Sometimes it is really hard to see how His hand guides us... (my mom died 10 years ago, and I still can't see that one...) but most of the time, I have found it relatively easy to discover how God intervened and used some event or someone to help shape me.

I suppose I am able to see those things more clearly when I am looking for them, and less inclined to see them when I am not.

So why do I fight His leading? Why is it I consistently act like I am at the controls? Why is it I jerk the wheel away from Him and try to take over? Especially after 45 years of watching Him at work, navigating my 'ship' so well (maybe it's because I consider the ship 'mine')... you would think I would have enough faith to completely let go, but I still think I know better...

Let me encourage us all to seek the Spirit's guidance, pray for God's Hand to lead us, and submit to His will for our lives...

Blessings!